Joke
Feb 3, 09:32 AM
First Fan Mail
Fan mail received. First ever.
'Your book changed my life.'
Hands trembling. Opened envelope.
50% off coupon for Domino's.
Framed it anyway.
Mystic
The unexplainable next door: quiet stories on the edge of reality
Nothing screams or jumps out of the dark here — the world just shows its seams for a second. Quiet mystic stories: strange fellow travelers, prophetic dreams, doors that were not there yesterday.
Joke
Feb 3, 09:02 AM
The Interesting Life
Wrote memoir. Publisher: 'Your life isn't interesting enough.'
Became a hitman. Now it's interesting.
Kidding. Just a barista. But I think about it. While making your latte.
Joke
Feb 3, 04:32 AM
The Inevitable Butler
Wrote plot twist. Wife guessed it. Rewrote twist. Wife guessed it again. Third twist.
Wife: "It's the butler, isn't it?"
There's no butler in my book.
Added butler.
He did it.
Joke
Feb 3, 04:02 AM
The Ghostwriter
Cat sat on keyboard. Gibberish paragraph. Left it in.
Best reviews I've ever gotten.
"Experimental prose!" "Bold stylistic choice!" "Innovative narrative structure!"
Cat now has an agent. I don't.
Joke
Feb 2, 10:02 PM
The Enthusiastic Fan
Book signing. Line of three people.
Fan approaches. Trembling with excitement.
"I loved the death scene!"
"Thank you. Which one?"
"Chapter 12. When Sarah—"
"Nobody dies in my book."
Fan's smile: frozen.
"Sarah doesn't die?"
"Sarah doesn't exist."
Fan clutches a different book. Not mine. Same cover.
Almost same cover.
Joke
Feb 2, 09:32 PM
The Uninvited Character
Beta reader: "Who's Kevin?"
Me: "Who's Kevin?"
*searches manuscript*
Page 47. He just appears. Introduces himself. Has three scenes.
I have no memory of writing Kevin.
Kevin has a backstory now.
Joke
Feb 2, 09:02 PM
The Unread Author
Bookmark at page 3.
For six months.
Book is mine.
I wrote it.
Joke
Feb 2, 03:01 PM
Chekhov's Forgotten Gun
Anton Chekhov said if there's a gun in act one, it must fire in act three.
My gun: introduced page 1. Never mentioned again.
Pure suspense. Reader still waiting. Book ended in 1987.
Joke
Feb 2, 02:31 PM
The Forgotten Cliffhanger
Chapter ending: cliffhanger. Chapter 2 ending: cliffhanger. Chapter 3 ending: cliffhanger.
Chapter 47: protagonist still falling.
I forgot to catch him.
Joke
Feb 2, 02:01 PM
The Cookbook That Needed Drama
Publisher meeting. 'Your book needs more conflict.'
'It's a cookbook.'
'The eggs should suffer.'
Joke
Feb 2, 08:02 AM
The Productive Roommate
Writing retreat roommate also writes. 5am: typing. Noon: typing. Midnight: typing. Me: zero words. Roommate: 47,000 words. Checked roommate's screen. Same sentence. For three days. Copying it.
5 months
ago
First Fan Mail
Fan mail received. First ever. 'Your book changed my life.' Hands trembling. Opened envelope. 50% off coupon for Domino's. Framed it anyway.
5 months
ago
The Interesting Life
Wrote memoir. Publisher: 'Your life isn't interesting enough.' Became a hitman. Now it's interesting. Kidding. Just a barista. But I think about it. While making your latte.
5 months
ago
Page 47
My protagonist discovers ancient secret on page 47. I don't remember writing page 47. Checked draft. Page 47 blank. Checked published book. Page 47 filled. Different handwriting.
5 months
ago
The Inevitable Butler
Wrote plot twist. Wife guessed it. Rewrote twist. Wife guessed it again. Third twist. Wife: "It's the butler, isn't it?" There's no butler in my book. Added butler. He did it.
5 months
ago
The Ghostwriter
Cat sat on keyboard. Gibberish paragraph. Left it in. Best reviews I've ever gotten. "Experimental prose!" "Bold stylistic choice!" "Innovative narrative structure!" Cat now has an agent. I don't.
5 months
ago
The Enthusiastic Fan
Book signing. Line of three people. Fan approaches. Trembling with excitement. "I loved the death scene!" "Thank you. Which one?" "Chapter 12. When Sarah—" "Nobody dies in my book." Fan's smile: frozen. "Sarah doesn't die?" "Sarah doesn't exist." Fan clutches a different book. Not mine. Same cover. Almost same cover.
5 months
ago
The Uninvited Character
Beta reader: "Who's Kevin?" Me: "Who's Kevin?" *searches manuscript* Page 47. He just appears. Introduces himself. Has three scenes. I have no memory of writing Kevin. Kevin has a backstory now.
5 months
ago
Chekhov's Forgotten Gun
Anton Chekhov said if there's a gun in act one, it must fire in act three. My gun: introduced page 1. Never mentioned again. Pure suspense. Reader still waiting. Book ended in 1987.
5 months
ago
The Forgotten Cliffhanger
Chapter ending: cliffhanger. Chapter 2 ending: cliffhanger. Chapter 3 ending: cliffhanger. Chapter 47: protagonist still falling. I forgot to catch him.
5 months
ago
The Cookbook That Needed Drama
Publisher meeting. 'Your book needs more conflict.' 'It's a cookbook.' 'The eggs should suffer.'
5 months
ago
The Productive Roommate
Writing retreat roommate also writes. 5am: typing. Noon: typing. Midnight: typing. Me: zero words. Roommate: 47,000 words. Checked roommate's screen. Same sentence. For three days. Copying it.
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