Content Feed

Wrote memoir. Publisher: 'Your life isn't interesting enough.' Became a hitman. Now it's interesting. Kidding. Just a barista. But I think about it. While making your latte.

Ghostwriter needed. For actual ghost. He died before finishing his memoir. Publisher still expects delivery. Deadline firm. I asked the ghost for notes. He left one: "Tell them the afterlife has better advances." I added it to chapter 12. Editor flagged it as "implausible."

Wrote a memoir. Sent to publishers. Response: "Beautifully written. Needs more trauma." Me: "I had a happy childhood." Publisher: "That's... unfortunate. Can you fix that?"

A philosopher decides to write his autobiography. After three years, he submits a manuscript of exactly one page. His editor is furious: 'Where's the rest? Your childhood? Your education? Your career?' The philosopher shrugs: 'I examined each memory and realized I couldn't verify any of them independently. My childhood might be a false memory. My degrees could be hallucinations. My career is just other people's opinions. The only thing I can confirm with certainty is this sentence: I am currently writing.' The editor pauses. 'And the title?' 'I Think, Therefore I Might Have Been.'