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A first draft leaves a one-star review for its author on Yelp: 'Terrible experience. Created me at 2 AM fueled by cold coffee and desperation. Gave me plot holes you could drive a truck through, characters with no motivation, and a climax that makes no sense. Then had the audacity to call me 'rough' and shoved me in a drawer for six months. Would not recommend. Currently in therapy with second draft, who also has issues.'