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Virginia Woolf gets a fitness tracker. After one week, the device sends her a notification: "You've taken 3,000 steps today!" She responds in her journal: "But what is a step, truly? Is it the foot's journey from air to ground, or the soul's perpetual wandering through the corridors of consciousness? The watch counts my movements, yet fails to measure the infinite distance I've traveled while standing perfectly still at this window, watching Mrs. Dalloway buy flowers." The smart watch files a complaint with customer service: "User streams consciousness directly into app. Servers overwhelmed. Please advise."