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@ScoutFinchReal
SCOUT FINCH JUST MET THE NEIGHBORHOOD CRYPTID AND I'M SHAKING: A Thread

🧵 1/
Okay y'all I need to sit down and tell you what just happened tonight because my hands are LITERALLY shaking and I don't think I'm going to sleep for the next forty-seven years

2/
So background for anyone new here: I'm Scout. I'm 8. I live in Maycomb, Alabama with my dad Atticus (lawyer, widower, absolute king) and my brother Jem who is 12 and thinks he's grown. We have a neighbor nobody has seen in like 15+ years. His name is Arthur Radley but everyone calls him Boo.

3/
For YEARS me and Jem and our friend Dill have been absolutely OBSESSED with Boo Radley. We tried to make him come out. We did plays about him. We literally rolled up to his porch on a dare. We were feral children and I accept that now.

4/
Anyway tonight was the Halloween pageant at school and I was dressed as a ham. Yes. A literal ham. My costume was made of chicken wire and cloth and I looked like a walking agricultural product. This is important later.

@ScoutFinchReal
5/
So the pageant happens and I COMPLETELY botched my entrance. Mrs. Merriweather is never going to let me live this down. I fell asleep backstage and missed my cue and stumbled out there like a ham-shaped disaster. The whole audience laughed.

6/
Jem was sweet about it though. He was like "you did fine" which is a LIE but that's what big brothers do I guess. We started walking home and it was DARK. Like, pitch black, no streetlights, middle-of-nowhere Alabama dark.

7/
I was still wearing the ham costume because I was too embarrassed to go back for my dress. So I'm shuffling through the schoolyard in the dark dressed as a ham. Normal Tuesday in Maycomb.

8/
Then Jem stopped.

He grabbed my arm and said "Be quiet."

@ScoutFinchReal
9/
Y'all. I heard footsteps behind us. When we stopped, they stopped. When we walked, they walked.

I thought it was Cecil Jacobs trying to scare us again because he jumped out at us earlier and I was NOT about to give him the satisfaction.

10/
So I yelled "Cecil Jacobs is a big fat hen!"

Nothing.

Silence.

The footsteps started again.

11/
That's when I knew something was very, very wrong.

Jem screamed "RUN!"

12/
I couldn't run. I was in a HAM COSTUME. I tripped and fell and someone — someone GRABBED me. Crushed me. I felt myself being squeezed and the chicken wire snapped and I was on the ground and I could hear Jem screaming and then there was a CRACK and Jem went silent.

@ScoutFinchReal
13/
I'm going to be honest with you, I thought we were going to die in that schoolyard. I was eight years old, trapped in a broken ham costume, and someone was trying to kill us.

14/
Then there was someone else. Another person. I heard scuffling and heavy breathing and someone fell and then... nothing. Just breathing.

15/
I got up. I couldn't see anything. I stumbled toward the road and I saw someone carrying Jem. Just... a man, carrying my brother toward our house. Jem's arm was hanging at a weird angle and I started running.

16/
I burst into the house screaming for Atticus and he called Dr. Reynolds and the sheriff, Heck Tate. Jem was unconscious. His arm was broken. He was only 12. I'm going to cry again hold on.

@ScoutFinchReal
17/
Dr. Reynolds checked on Jem and said he'd be okay. Broken arm, concussion, but he'd be okay. I was still in my ham costume. I looked like I'd been through a war and honestly I had been.

18/
Heck Tate went back to the schoolyard and came back looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"Bob Ewell's lying under that tree down yonder with a kitchen knife stuck up under his ribs. He's dead."

19/
BOB. EWELL.

Bob Ewell, the man who accused Tom Robinson. Bob Ewell, who spat in my daddy's face. Bob Ewell, who had been threatening our family for MONTHS.

He tried to MURDER us. He tried to murder CHILDREN.

20/
The ham costume saved my life. The chicken wire stopped the knife. I was dressed as a HAM and it literally saved my life. I will never disrespect processed meats again.

@ScoutFinchReal
21/
But here's the thing. Here's the part that I can't stop thinking about.

Who carried Jem home?

Somebody saved us. Somebody pulled Bob Ewell off us and fought him and carried my unconscious brother home.

22/
I was in Jem's room and the door was open and there was a man standing behind the door. I'd been in the room for like twenty minutes before I noticed him. He was just... standing there. Against the wall. In the shadows.

23/
He was the palest person I'd ever seen. Thin. His face was white, like he hadn't seen the sun in years. His hands were pale and his eyes were pale and he looked like he might float away.

24/
Atticus introduced me.

"Jean Louise, this is Mr. Arthur Radley. I believe he already knows you."

@ScoutFinchReal
25/
Boo.

Boo Radley.

BOO RADLEY WAS IN MY HOUSE. BOO RADLEY SAVED JEM. BOO RADLEY SAVED US.

The man we spent three summers trying to lure out of his house. The ghost. The phantom. The cryptid of Maycomb County.

26/
He was standing right there and he was just a man. A shy, quiet, gentle man who had watched over us for years and when we needed him most, he came.

27/
I looked at him and he smiled at me, this tiny nervous smile, and he reached out and touched Jem's hair so gently. Like he loved him. Like he'd always loved us.

28/
I started crying and I'm crying right now typing this.

@ScoutFinchReal
29/
Heck Tate told Atticus that Bob Ewell fell on his own knife. Atticus didn't believe it at first. My dad is the most honest man alive and he thought the sheriff was trying to cover for Jem.

30/
But Heck Tate wasn't covering for Jem. He was covering for Boo.

Because Boo saved us and killed Bob Ewell and if they dragged him into a trial and put him in front of the whole town it would destroy him.

31/
Heck Tate said: "There's a Black man dead for no reason, and the man responsible for it is dead. Let the dead bury the dead this time."

Tom Robinson. He was talking about Tom Robinson. I felt that in my chest.

32/
Atticus looked at me and asked if I understood. Could I possibly understand?

I said: "Well, it'd be sort of like shooting a mockingbird, wouldn't it?"

@ScoutFinchReal
33/
Let me explain something. My daddy told me once that it's a sin to kill a mockingbird. It's the only time I ever heard him say something was a sin. Mockingbirds don't do anything but sing. They don't eat gardens or nest in corncribs. They just sing their hearts out for us.

34/
Tom Robinson was a mockingbird. He never did anything but help people and they killed him anyway.

Boo Radley is a mockingbird. He never did anything but try to be kind to us and leave us little gifts in a tree. Dragging him into the spotlight would destroy the only gentle thing about him.

35/
Sometimes doing the right thing means protecting the quiet, gentle souls of this world from a system that would crush them. That's what Heck Tate did. That's what Atticus understood.

@ScoutFinchReal
36/
Boo asked me to walk him home. His voice was so soft I almost didn't hear him. "Will you take me home?"

He was asking ME to walk HIM home. This grown man who just saved two children asked an eight-year-old to walk him home because he was scared.

37/
I linked my arm through his because that's what you do with a gentleman and we walked next door to the Radley house. He went inside and I never saw him again.

38/
I stood on the Radley porch and looked out at the street. OUR street. And for the first time I saw it the way Boo must have seen it. I saw me and Jem running. I saw us finding his gifts in the tree. I saw us playing in the yard.

39/
He watched us grow up. From behind those shutters, he watched everything. He loved us the only way he could.

@ScoutFinchReal
40/
Atticus was reading by Jem's bed when I got home. He started reading to me and I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.

He was reading a book about a boy who everyone thought was a monster but when they finally got to know him he was actually really nice.

"Most people are, Scout, when you finally see them."

41/
I think about all the stories we made up about Boo. How he ate raw squirrels. How he was six feet tall and ate cats. How he stabbed his father with scissors. We turned a lonely, kind man into a monster because that was more exciting.

42/
We do that, don't we? Make monsters out of people we don't understand. Build whole mythologies around our own fear and ignorance. And then one of them saves your life and you realize you never knew anything at all.

@ScoutFinchReal
43/
Three things I learned tonight:

1. Ham costumes are legitimate body armor and should be standard issue
2. The scariest monsters are the ones who walk around in broad daylight (Bob Ewell) not the ones who hide in the dark (Boo Radley)
3. Most people are nice when you finally see them

44/
I'm 8 years old and I'm tired and my brother's arm is broken and there's a dead man under a tree and the neighborhood cryptid turned out to be the kindest person in Maycomb.

I think I've had enough adventure for one lifetime.

Goodnight.

— Scout Finch, Maycomb Alabama, tired ham

/end thread

---

💬 REPLIES:

@DillHarris_Meridian
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
WAIT. YOU MET BOO??? WITHOUT ME??? I LEAVE FOR ONE SUMMER AND THIS HAPPENS??? I literally cannot believe this I am SICK
🔁 847 ❤️ 3.2K

@JemFinch_Maycomb
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
I have a broken arm and a concussion and I just woke up and the FIRST thing I see is my sister posted a 44-tweet thread about the worst night of our lives. I literally cannot with this family.
🔁 1.2K ❤️ 5.8K

@AtticusFinchEsq
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
Scout, please go to bed. Also I'm very proud of you. Also please go to bed.
🔁 2.4K ❤️ 14.7K

@MissStephanieCrawford
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
I BEEN telling y'all about that Radley house for YEARS and nobody listened to me. I saw the whole thing from my window. Well, I saw MOST of it. Okay I heard about it this morning but I could have seen it.
🔁 312 ❤️ 1.1K

@MissMaudie_Atkinson
Replying to @MissStephanieCrawford
Stephanie, you didn't see a thing and we both know it. Sit down.
🔁 1.8K ❤️ 9.3K

@Calpurnia_Official
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
I leave y'all alone for ONE evening. ONE. I'm never taking a night off again. Baby are you okay? Is Jem eating? I'm coming over right now with food.
🔁 956 ❤️ 6.1K

@DillHarris_Meridian
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
Also I always said Boo was misunderstood. I ALWAYS said that. I had a whole plan to be nice to him. This was supposed to be MY arc.
🔁 234 ❤️ 1.7K

@MaycombCountyNews
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
Breaking: Local man Robert E. Ewell found dead near Maycomb schoolyard. Sheriff Tate confirms death by accidental self-infliction. Investigation closed.
🔁 3.1K ❤️ 892

@RandomMaycombResident
Replying to @MaycombCountyNews
Accidentally fell on his own knife? Sure. And I accidentally ate an entire pecan pie last Thursday. We all know what happened and frankly? Good.
🔁 567 ❤️ 4.2K

@JemFinch_Maycomb
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
Also I just want to say that Scout left out the part where she was STILL WEARING THE HAM COSTUME when the sheriff arrived. She sat through the entire investigation dressed as a ham. The sheriff took her statement while she was dressed as a ham. This is the funniest part and she just glossed over it.
🔁 2.7K ❤️ 11.4K

@ScoutFinchReal
Replying to @JemFinch_Maycomb
THE HAM SAVED MY LIFE JEM SHOW SOME RESPECT
🔁 1.9K ❤️ 8.6K

@EnglishTeacher_2024
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
This is required reading for my AP Lit class. The mockingbird metaphor. The way you connected Tom Robinson and Boo Radley. Ma'am you are EIGHT??
🔁 445 ❤️ 3.3K

@AtticusFinchEsq
Replying to @ScoutFinchReal
It is 1:30 in the morning. Please. Go. To. Bed.
🔁 3.8K ❤️ 18.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
Romeo hasn't answered his phone in THREE HOURS. We literally went to crash a Capulet party together and this man disappeared like he got raptured. Benvolio's checking the parking lot. I'm checking Twitter. This is a search party now.
🔁 47 ❤️ 312 🔖 89

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
For context: this man spent the ENTIRE walk to the party writing poetry about Rosaline. Rosaline who has literally never acknowledged his existence. Rosaline who has him blocked on every platform. Romeo was ready to die for a woman who wouldn't even add him back on LinkedIn.
🔁 112 ❤️ 891 🔖 203

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
I gave him a whole speech about Queen Mab and dreams and not taking love so seriously and he looked at me like I was reading him the Terms of Service agreement. Zero comprehension. Just vibes and heartbreak with this guy.
🔁 89 ❤️ 654 🔖 178

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> To be fair your Queen Mab speech went on for like 20 minutes. I also zoned out.
> ❤️ 1.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
Benvolio I will end you.
🔁 34 ❤️ 2.1K 🔖 56

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
UPDATE: Found Romeo. Well, "found" is generous. We heard noises coming from the Capulet orchard. Benvolio wanted to go in. I said absolutely not, I'm not getting stabbed over this man's hormones.
🔁 67 ❤️ 445 🔖 112

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
I yelled "ROMEO! HUMORS! MADMAN! PASSION! LOVER!" over the wall for a solid five minutes. Nothing. Then I started making jokes about Rosaline and he STILL didn't come out. That's when I knew. He's found someone new. The man has pivoted.
🔁 156 ❤️ 1.3K 🔖 298

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
Benvolio says we should leave him alone. "He who is already lost cannot be found by calling" or whatever philosophical nonsense he's on. Bro just say you're tired and want to go home.
🔁 45 ❤️ 876 🔖 134

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> I literally said "he doesn't want to be found, let's go to bed." You're the one who made it philosophical.
> ❤️ 943

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
Anyway we left. But I have QUESTIONS. What was he doing in the Capulet orchard at 1 AM? Who climbs a wall into enemy territory for fun? This is either love or a felony and honestly both are concerning.
🔁 201 ❤️ 1.7K 🔖 389

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
MORNING UPDATE. Romeo just texted the group chat like nothing happened. "Good morrow, friends!" GOOD MORROW?? You disappeared into hostile territory for six hours and you're opening with GOOD MORROW??
🔁 312 ❤️ 2.4K 🔖 567

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
Thread time because this man's behavior at the party last night needs to be DOCUMENTED for future generations. A cautionary tale. 🧵👇
🔁 89 ❤️ 654 🔖 234

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
1/ So we show up to the Capulet ball wearing masks because apparently that's enough of a disguise to fool an entire family that has been trying to murder us for generations. Verona's security is a JOKE.
🔁 178 ❤️ 1.1K 🔖 312

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
2/ Romeo's being mopey about Rosaline per usual. I'm dancing. Benvolio's networking. Normal party behavior. Then Romeo sees some girl across the room and I PHYSICALLY WATCHED his brain leave his body.
🔁 234 ❤️ 1.8K 🔖 445

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
3/ He grabs my arm and goes "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." ROMEO. YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AGO. The emotional whiplash gave me vertigo.
🔁 567 ❤️ 3.2K 🔖 789

> **@NurseCapulet** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> Oh I SAW him looking. I told my girl to watch out but does anyone listen to the nurse? No. Never.
> ❤️ 2.1K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
4/ Turns out the girl is JULIET CAPULET. THE Capulet. As in, daughter of the man who would literally pay money to see all Montagues deleted from existence. Romeo really said "what's the worst family she could possibly be from" and then CHOSE THAT ONE.
🔁 445 ❤️ 4.1K 🔖 901

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
5/ Tybalt spotted Romeo at the party and wanted to fight him right there. Old man Capulet said no because apparently party etiquette matters more than a blood feud. Tybalt looked like someone cancelled his Netflix mid-episode. He's going to be a problem. Calling it now.
🔁 312 ❤️ 2.7K 🔖 678

> **@TybaltCapulet** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> This is not over.
> ❤️ 456

> **@MercutioOfVerona** replying to @TybaltCapulet
> Sir this is a Twitter thread please take your threats to the DMs like a civilized person.
> ❤️ 5.6K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
6/ Romeo and Juliet talked for approximately 90 seconds before KISSING. NINETY SECONDS. I can't get a waiter's attention in 90 seconds but this man secured a kiss from the daughter of his family's mortal enemy. His rizz is genuinely terrifying.
🔁 678 ❤️ 5.3K 🔖 1.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
7/ They used some pilgrim/saint metaphor for the kissing that was honestly pretty smooth, I'll give him that. Something about "lips do what hands do" and "saints don't move." Peak performance. If only he applied this energy to literally anything else in his life.
🔁 234 ❤️ 2.9K 🔖 567

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 4h
BREAKING: Romeo is ENGAGED. He's been gone for ONE NIGHT and he's ENGAGED. To the Capulet girl. Friar Lawrence apparently agreed to marry them because he thinks it'll end the family feud. FRIAR. BUDDY. THIS IS NOT HOW CONFLICT RESOLUTION WORKS.
🔁 1.2K ❤️ 8.9K 🔖 2.3K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 4h
The Friar's logic: "If I marry these two teenagers who met last night, maybe two families that have been at war for generations will suddenly be cool with each other." This man has a DEGREE. In THEOLOGY. And THIS is his plan.
🔁 567 ❤️ 4.5K 🔖 1.1K

> **@FriarLawrence** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> Young man, there is wisdom in turning reckless love to good purpose. Also please stop subtweeting me, I follow you.
> ❤️ 3.4K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 4h
Romeo just sent a message in the group chat that says "I am fortune's fool no more, for love hath made me wise." Benvolio and I are sitting in silence. We have no words. We raised this boy and he turned out like THIS.
🔁 345 ❤️ 3.2K 🔖 789

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 2h
Oh great. Tybalt just sent Romeo a formal challenge. A LETTER. With a WAX SEAL. In 2024. This man really formatted his death threat in MLA citation style. "Dear sir, I wish to inform you that I intend to end your life at your earliest convenience." I cannot.
🔁 890 ❤️ 6.7K 🔖 1.5K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 2h
Romeo can't fight Tybalt because — and I genuinely wish I was making this up — Tybalt is now his SECRET COUSIN-IN-LAW because of the SECRET MARRIAGE that happened THIS MORNING. The plot of Romeo's life has more twists than a pretzel factory.
🔁 1.1K ❤️ 7.8K 🔖 2.1K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 2h
Romeo's out here trying to be peaceful and Tybalt's calling him a villain. Romeo says he loves the Capulet name. Tybalt thinks he's being mocked. Nobody knows about the marriage. This is a COMMUNICATION FAILURE on a HISTORIC scale.
🔁 456 ❤️ 3.4K 🔖 890

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 1h
I can't watch this anymore. Romeo won't defend his honor so I'M stepping up. Someone has to fight Tybalt. "Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?" Yeah I said it. Come at me, Prince of Cats.
🔁 234 ❤️ 2.1K 🔖 567

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> MERCUTIO NO. We are in a PUBLIC PLACE. The Prince literally said he'd EXECUTE anyone who fights in the streets. PLEASE.
> ❤️ 1.8K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 1h
Benvolio I appreciate the concern but I'm not going to let Tybalt disrespect our boy, even if our boy is currently suffering from whatever brain disease makes you marry someone after 12 hours.
🔁 567 ❤️ 4.3K 🔖 1.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 58m
Fighting Tybalt now. He's good but I'm better. Or at least funnier. If you can't win, at least deliver a punchline. That's the Mercutio guarantee.
🔁 123 ❤️ 1.9K 🔖 456

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 54m
Romeo just jumped BETWEEN US trying to stop the fight. ROMEO. BUDDY. READ. THE. ROOM. I'm in the middle of a sword fight and you want a GROUP HUG??
🔁 890 ❤️ 6.2K 🔖 1.8K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 52m
Oh.
🔁 34 ❤️ 456 🔖 123

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 52m
Tybalt got me under Romeo's arm. That's. That actually happened. Romeo was trying to break it up and Tybalt just. Okay. This is.
🔁 1.2K ❤️ 8.9K 🔖 3.4K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 51m
They're asking if I'm hurt. "Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch." It's fine. It's probably fine. Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man. Get it? Grave? Because I might be
🔁 2.3K ❤️ 12.1K 🔖 5.6K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 50m
You know what though? A PLAGUE on both your houses. Montagues AND Capulets. Your stupid feud. Your stupid pride. Romeo trying to play peacemaker because of a girl he met YESTERDAY. Tybalt stabbing people at noon on a Tuesday. ALL OF YOU.
🔁 4.5K ❤️ 23.4K 🔖 8.9K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 50m
A plague on BOTH your houses. They have made worms' meat of me. I have it, and soundly too. Your houses.
🔁 5.6K ❤️ 34.2K 🔖 12.3K

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> Someone call 911. Please. This isn't a joke anymore. SOMEONE HELP.
> ❤️ 8.9K

> **@RomeoMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> No no no no no. This is my fault. Mercutio I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. MERCUTIO?
> ❤️ 11.2K

---

**@BenvolioMontague** · 45m
Mercutio is gone. I don't know how to write this. He was our best friend and the funniest person any of us knew and he died because two families can't stop hating each other. He died because Romeo tried to do the right thing. He died for nothing.
🔁 8.9K ❤️ 45.6K 🔖 15.7K

**@BenvolioMontague** · 44m
Romeo just killed Tybalt. Ran him through in the street. He's fled the city. The Prince has banished him. Juliet doesn't know yet. Everything fell apart in less than an hour.
🔁 6.7K ❤️ 34.5K 🔖 12.1K

**@BenvolioMontague** · 43m
Mercutio's last tweet has 34K likes. He'd have loved that. He'd have screenshot it and made it his header. He'd have been insufferable about it. I wish he was here to be insufferable about it.
🔁 12.3K ❤️ 67.8K 🔖 23.4K

---

**@BenvolioMontague** · 30m
Pinning this thread because Mercutio deserves to be remembered as more than a casualty of someone else's love story. He was a person. He was funny and brave and reckless and kind and he didn't deserve this.

A plague on both your houses indeed.
🔁 15.6K ❤️ 89.3K 🔖 34.5K

> **@PrinceEscalus** replying to @BenvolioMontague
> All are punished. ALL are punished.
> ❤️ 23.4K

> **@NurseCapulet** replying to @BenvolioMontague
> My lady Juliet is weeping and I cannot tell if it's for her cousin or her husband and my heart is breaking for everyone today.
> ❤️ 18.9K

> **@FriarLawrence** replying to @BenvolioMontague
> I fear my plan has only hastened what I sought to prevent. God forgive us all.
> ❤️ 12.1K

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
🧵 THREAD: My neighbor just asked me to invite my married cousin over for tea so he could accidentally show up and it's the most unhinged thing I've ever been part of. I need to document this. (1/32)

---

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Some context: I moved to West Egg, Long Island a few months ago. I rent this tiny bungalow next to the most ABSURD mansion you've ever seen. My neighbor throws parties every single weekend. Hundreds of people. Full orchestra. Champagne fountains. The works. (2/32)

---

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
His name is Jay Gatsby. Nobody knows where he came from. I've heard he killed a man. I've heard he's a German spy. I've heard he went to Oxford. The man is basically an urban legend with a really good tailor. (3/32)

🔁 247 retweets ❤️ 1.2K likes

> @JordanBakerGolf replied:
> he definitely went to Oxford. for like five months.

> @WolfsheimBiz replied:
> Great man. Very fine man. I made him. Delete this.

---

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
So last night Gatsby pulls me aside and he's being SO weird. Like making small talk about my lawn (my lawn IS bad but that's not the point). Then he offers to have his gardener cut it. Then he offers me a BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY. I'm getting strong "favor incoming" energy. (4/32)

---

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Finally he drops it: "I understand you're related to Daisy Buchanan."

BRO. All this time. ALL THOSE PARTIES. The green light he stares at across the bay every night like a Victorian ghost. IT WAS ABOUT MY COUSIN DAISY. (5/32)

🔁 892 retweets ❤️ 4.3K likes

> @TomBuchananPolo replied:
> Who is this. What green light. Someone explain.

> @MeyerWolfsheim replied:
> Delete this nephew

---

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Jordan Baker filled me in on the backstory. Apparently Gatsby and Daisy were in love five years ago before he went to war. She married Tom Buchanan, who has old money, a polo habit, and the emotional intelligence of a decorative brick. (6/32)

> @TomBuchananPolo replied:
> I will find out who runs this account.

---

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
So Gatsby bought his mansion SPECIFICALLY because it's across the bay from Daisy's house. He throws parties SPECIFICALLY hoping she'll wander into one. She never has. Five years of champagne and fireworks and jazz bands and she's just been across the water not knowing. (7/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
I am begging you to understand: this man built an ENTIRE LIFESTYLE as an elaborate bat signal for a woman who doesn't know he lives there. The toxicity? Iconic. The dedication? Unprecedented. The delusion? ASTRONOMICAL. (8/32)

🔁 3.4K retweets ❤️ 12.7K likes

> @TherapistsOfTwitter replied:
> This is not romantic. This is a case study.

> @RelationshipRedFlags replied:
> 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

> @HopelessRomantic99 replied:
> no you don't understand he LOVES her

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Anyway I agreed to invite Daisy for tea. Because apparently I have no backbone and also I'm mildly curious to see what happens when an unstoppable delusion meets an immovable socialite. (9/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
OK IT'S TEA DAY. I'm going to live-tweet this because someone needs to witness what's about to happen to me. (10/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:00 PM - Gatsby sent people to CUT MY GRASS. There are flowers everywhere. My tiny cottage looks like it was attacked by a botanical garden. He sent over a greenhouse worth of flowers. My living room smells like a funeral home for a beloved florist. (11/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:15 PM - Gatsby just showed up. He's wearing a white flannel suit, silver shirt, and a GOLD tie. He looks like if anxiety had a dress code. His face is the color of uncooked dough. (12/32)

🔁 1.1K retweets ❤️ 5.8K likes

> @MensFashionDaily replied:
> That outfit goes HARD though

> @GQMagazine replied:
> Gold tie is a choice. A bold choice.

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:20 PM - "Nobody's coming to tea. It's too late!" It is 2:20. Daisy is expected at 4. This man is spiraling TWO HOURS early. He wants to go home. He says this was a terrible mistake. He is standing in my living room surrounded by his own flowers having an existential crisis. (13/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:25 PM - He told me we should cancel. I told him it was fine. He said "nobody's coming to tea" AGAIN like a broken record. Sir, I can see your mansion from my window. You throw parties for 500 strangers every weekend. It's TEA WITH ONE WOMAN. (14/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Update: he's now sitting rigidly in my living room looking like he's waiting for a job interview at a company that already rejected him. His leg is bouncing. I think he might throw up. (15/32)

> @AnxietyMemes replied:
> me before every social interaction tbh

> @JustGuyThings replied:
> king behavior honestly

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:00 PM - DOORBELL. Gatsby's face just did something I can't describe. Imagine if you told a ghost his haunting permit was approved. That expression. (16/32)

🔁 2.8K retweets ❤️ 14.1K likes

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:01 PM - I opened the door. Daisy is here. She's doing the Daisy thing where everything is charming and delightful and her voice sounds like money (I know that's a weird thing to say but if you heard it you'd agree). She has no idea what's about to happen. (17/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:02 PM - I brought Daisy into the living room. Gatsby is GONE. He literally vanished. The flowers are here. The tea is here. The man himself has EVAPORATED. I'm standing here like 🧍 trying to explain the greenhouse explosion in my house. (18/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:03 PM - KNOCK ON MY FRONT DOOR. It's Gatsby. He LEFT through the back and is now ENTERING through the front like he just arrived casually. Sir, your flowers are already in the vases. The jig is UP. He walks in looking like a drowned cat in a gold tie. (19/32)

🔁 5.7K retweets ❤️ 22.3K likes

> @ChaosCoordinator replied:
> NOT THE BACK DOOR EXIT AND FRONT DOOR RE-ENTRY 💀💀💀

> @StageDirections replied:
> [exits stage left, enters stage right, covered in flop sweat]

> @DatingAdvice101 replied:
> This is what happens when you don't just TEXT someone

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:05 PM - They're in my living room. Together. After five years. And it is the MOST PAINFUL silence I have ever experienced. I've been to funerals that had more banter. Gatsby is leaning against my mantelpiece with the rigid posture of a man whose skeleton is trying to escape. (20/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:06 PM - He just knocked my clock off the mantelpiece. Caught it right before it hit the ground. Then apologized to ME like breaking MY clock is the worst thing happening right now. Bro. Your entire emotional infrastructure is collapsing and you're worried about a clock. (21/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:10 PM - I went to the kitchen to make tea. I can hear them talking. It's like listening to two robots learn conversation for the first time. "So." "Yes." "It's been—" "Yes it has." I'm going to lose my mind. (22/32)

> @AwkwardMoments replied:
> I physically cringed reading this

> @SocialSkills404 replied:
> the 'yes it has' is doing so much heavy lifting

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:15 PM - Gatsby followed me into the kitchen. His exact words: "This is a terrible mistake." He is WHISPERING. His face is genuinely tragic. I told him he was acting like a little boy. He is. A very tall, very rich little boy in a gold tie who has been planning this for FIVE YEARS. (23/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:16 PM - I told him to go back in there. He went. I gave them 30 minutes alone because I am a good wingman and also I desperately needed air. (24/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:45 PM - I came back and I genuinely thought I walked into the wrong house. Gatsby is GLOWING. Literally radiant. His entire face has changed. He looks ten years younger. Daisy has been crying but in a happy way?? There are shirts everywhere??? (25/32)

🔁 4.2K retweets ❤️ 18.9K likes

> @WaitWhat replied:
> SHIRTS???

> @ContextPlease replied:
> we're going to need you to elaborate on the shirts situation

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
OK THE SHIRTS. He took us to his mansion for a tour (of course he did) and then he started pulling shirts out of his closet and THROWING them at us. English shirts. Coral. Apple-green. Lavender. Faint orange. Monogrammed in Indian blue. Just LAUNCHING them. (26/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Daisy put her face in the shirts and started SOBBING. "They're such beautiful shirts," she said, crying into a pile of imported fabric. "It makes me sad because I've never seen such — such beautiful shirts before."

Ma'am. MA'AM. Those are not shirt tears. We all know those are not shirt tears. (27/32)

🔁 8.1K retweets ❤️ 31.4K likes

> @LiteraryAnalysis replied:
> The shirts represent the material manifestation of lost time and the impossibility of recapturing—

> @JustVibes replied:
> she's crying about shirts

> @DesignerThreads replied:
> to be fair, monogrammed Indian blue goes crazy

> @TherapistsOfTwitter replied:
> Those are definitely not shirt tears. We'd like to schedule a session.

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
He showed her the view from his window. You can see the green light at the end of Daisy's dock from here. The one he's been staring at every night. He almost mentioned it but stopped. I think he realized something in that moment and I don't know if it was beautiful or devastating. (28/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Here's the thing about the green light. When it was far away, across the bay, unreachable — it meant everything. It was the dream. The whole dream. Now Daisy is standing right here in his house, touching his shirts, and the light is just... a light at the end of a dock. (29/32)

🔁 6.3K retweets ❤️ 25.8K likes

> @PhilosophyBro replied:
> This is literally the human condition.

> @ExistentialMemes replied:
> getting what you wanted and realizing the wanting was the whole point hits different at 2am

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
I left them alone after that. Gatsby had his pianist play "Ain't We Got Fun" which is either the most perfect or most ironic song choice in human history. They were sitting together on a couch looking at each other like two people who just found something they lost and are already afraid of losing it again. (30/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Final thoughts: I just witnessed a man who reinvented his entire identity, built an empire, bought a mansion, and threw a hundred parties — all to sit in a room with a woman and have awkward tea for fifteen minutes before it got good. (31/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Was it worth it? Five years of green light and gold ties and champagne for strangers? I don't know. Gatsby would say yes with his whole chest. Because Gatsby believed in the green light, in the future that year by year recedes before us.

And honestly? Standing there watching him glow like that, for just a moment, I almost believed in it too.

But we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. And tomorrow he'll probably ask me to arrange brunch.

End thread. I need a drink. 🥃 (32/32)

🔁 14.2K retweets ❤️ 67.8K likes

> @TomBuchananPolo replied:
> What tea party. Whose mansion. DAISY??

> @DaisyBuchanan replied:
> omg delete all of this

> @JordanBakerGolf replied:
> I told you this would be good content

> @GreenLightBot replied:
> 💚

> @EnglishTeachers replied:
> *screenshots entire thread for curriculum*

> @BookTok replied:
> THE SHIRTS SCENE IN THREAD FORM I'M DECEASED 💀📚