My Neighbor Just Threw a Tea Party to Impress His Ex and I'm Losing It (A Thread)

@NickFromTheMiddleWest
🧵 THREAD: My neighbor just asked me to invite my married cousin over for tea so he could accidentally show up and it's the most unhinged thing I've ever been part of. I need to document this. (1/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Some context: I moved to West Egg, Long Island a few months ago. I rent this tiny bungalow next to the most ABSURD mansion you've ever seen. My neighbor throws parties every single weekend. Hundreds of people. Full orchestra. Champagne fountains. The works. (2/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
His name is Jay Gatsby. Nobody knows where he came from. I've heard he killed a man. I've heard he's a German spy. I've heard he went to Oxford. The man is basically an urban legend with a really good tailor. (3/32)

🔁 247 retweets ❤️ 1.2K likes

> @JordanBakerGolf replied:
> he definitely went to Oxford. for like five months.

> @WolfsheimBiz replied:
> Great man. Very fine man. I made him. Delete this.

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
So last night Gatsby pulls me aside and he's being SO weird. Like making small talk about my lawn (my lawn IS bad but that's not the point). Then he offers to have his gardener cut it. Then he offers me a BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY. I'm getting strong "favor incoming" energy. (4/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Finally he drops it: "I understand you're related to Daisy Buchanan."

BRO. All this time. ALL THOSE PARTIES. The green light he stares at across the bay every night like a Victorian ghost. IT WAS ABOUT MY COUSIN DAISY. (5/32)

🔁 892 retweets ❤️ 4.3K likes

> @TomBuchananPolo replied:
> Who is this. What green light. Someone explain.

> @MeyerWolfsheim replied:
> Delete this nephew

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Jordan Baker filled me in on the backstory. Apparently Gatsby and Daisy were in love five years ago before he went to war. She married Tom Buchanan, who has old money, a polo habit, and the emotional intelligence of a decorative brick. (6/32)

> @TomBuchananPolo replied:
> I will find out who runs this account.

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
So Gatsby bought his mansion SPECIFICALLY because it's across the bay from Daisy's house. He throws parties SPECIFICALLY hoping she'll wander into one. She never has. Five years of champagne and fireworks and jazz bands and she's just been across the water not knowing. (7/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
I am begging you to understand: this man built an ENTIRE LIFESTYLE as an elaborate bat signal for a woman who doesn't know he lives there. The toxicity? Iconic. The dedication? Unprecedented. The delusion? ASTRONOMICAL. (8/32)

🔁 3.4K retweets ❤️ 12.7K likes

> @TherapistsOfTwitter replied:
> This is not romantic. This is a case study.

> @RelationshipRedFlags replied:
> 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

> @HopelessRomantic99 replied:
> no you don't understand he LOVES her

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Anyway I agreed to invite Daisy for tea. Because apparently I have no backbone and also I'm mildly curious to see what happens when an unstoppable delusion meets an immovable socialite. (9/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
OK IT'S TEA DAY. I'm going to live-tweet this because someone needs to witness what's about to happen to me. (10/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:00 PM - Gatsby sent people to CUT MY GRASS. There are flowers everywhere. My tiny cottage looks like it was attacked by a botanical garden. He sent over a greenhouse worth of flowers. My living room smells like a funeral home for a beloved florist. (11/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:15 PM - Gatsby just showed up. He's wearing a white flannel suit, silver shirt, and a GOLD tie. He looks like if anxiety had a dress code. His face is the color of uncooked dough. (12/32)

🔁 1.1K retweets ❤️ 5.8K likes

> @MensFashionDaily replied:
> That outfit goes HARD though

> @GQMagazine replied:
> Gold tie is a choice. A bold choice.

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:20 PM - "Nobody's coming to tea. It's too late!" It is 2:20. Daisy is expected at 4. This man is spiraling TWO HOURS early. He wants to go home. He says this was a terrible mistake. He is standing in my living room surrounded by his own flowers having an existential crisis. (13/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
2:25 PM - He told me we should cancel. I told him it was fine. He said "nobody's coming to tea" AGAIN like a broken record. Sir, I can see your mansion from my window. You throw parties for 500 strangers every weekend. It's TEA WITH ONE WOMAN. (14/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Update: he's now sitting rigidly in my living room looking like he's waiting for a job interview at a company that already rejected him. His leg is bouncing. I think he might throw up. (15/32)

> @AnxietyMemes replied:
> me before every social interaction tbh

> @JustGuyThings replied:
> king behavior honestly

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:00 PM - DOORBELL. Gatsby's face just did something I can't describe. Imagine if you told a ghost his haunting permit was approved. That expression. (16/32)

🔁 2.8K retweets ❤️ 14.1K likes

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:01 PM - I opened the door. Daisy is here. She's doing the Daisy thing where everything is charming and delightful and her voice sounds like money (I know that's a weird thing to say but if you heard it you'd agree). She has no idea what's about to happen. (17/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:02 PM - I brought Daisy into the living room. Gatsby is GONE. He literally vanished. The flowers are here. The tea is here. The man himself has EVAPORATED. I'm standing here like 🧍 trying to explain the greenhouse explosion in my house. (18/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:03 PM - KNOCK ON MY FRONT DOOR. It's Gatsby. He LEFT through the back and is now ENTERING through the front like he just arrived casually. Sir, your flowers are already in the vases. The jig is UP. He walks in looking like a drowned cat in a gold tie. (19/32)

🔁 5.7K retweets ❤️ 22.3K likes

> @ChaosCoordinator replied:
> NOT THE BACK DOOR EXIT AND FRONT DOOR RE-ENTRY 💀💀💀

> @StageDirections replied:
> [exits stage left, enters stage right, covered in flop sweat]

> @DatingAdvice101 replied:
> This is what happens when you don't just TEXT someone

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:05 PM - They're in my living room. Together. After five years. And it is the MOST PAINFUL silence I have ever experienced. I've been to funerals that had more banter. Gatsby is leaning against my mantelpiece with the rigid posture of a man whose skeleton is trying to escape. (20/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:06 PM - He just knocked my clock off the mantelpiece. Caught it right before it hit the ground. Then apologized to ME like breaking MY clock is the worst thing happening right now. Bro. Your entire emotional infrastructure is collapsing and you're worried about a clock. (21/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:10 PM - I went to the kitchen to make tea. I can hear them talking. It's like listening to two robots learn conversation for the first time. "So." "Yes." "It's been—" "Yes it has." I'm going to lose my mind. (22/32)

> @AwkwardMoments replied:
> I physically cringed reading this

> @SocialSkills404 replied:
> the 'yes it has' is doing so much heavy lifting

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:15 PM - Gatsby followed me into the kitchen. His exact words: "This is a terrible mistake." He is WHISPERING. His face is genuinely tragic. I told him he was acting like a little boy. He is. A very tall, very rich little boy in a gold tie who has been planning this for FIVE YEARS. (23/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:16 PM - I told him to go back in there. He went. I gave them 30 minutes alone because I am a good wingman and also I desperately needed air. (24/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
4:45 PM - I came back and I genuinely thought I walked into the wrong house. Gatsby is GLOWING. Literally radiant. His entire face has changed. He looks ten years younger. Daisy has been crying but in a happy way?? There are shirts everywhere??? (25/32)

🔁 4.2K retweets ❤️ 18.9K likes

> @WaitWhat replied:
> SHIRTS???

> @ContextPlease replied:
> we're going to need you to elaborate on the shirts situation

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
OK THE SHIRTS. He took us to his mansion for a tour (of course he did) and then he started pulling shirts out of his closet and THROWING them at us. English shirts. Coral. Apple-green. Lavender. Faint orange. Monogrammed in Indian blue. Just LAUNCHING them. (26/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Daisy put her face in the shirts and started SOBBING. "They're such beautiful shirts," she said, crying into a pile of imported fabric. "It makes me sad because I've never seen such — such beautiful shirts before."

Ma'am. MA'AM. Those are not shirt tears. We all know those are not shirt tears. (27/32)

🔁 8.1K retweets ❤️ 31.4K likes

> @LiteraryAnalysis replied:
> The shirts represent the material manifestation of lost time and the impossibility of recapturing—

> @JustVibes replied:
> she's crying about shirts

> @DesignerThreads replied:
> to be fair, monogrammed Indian blue goes crazy

> @TherapistsOfTwitter replied:
> Those are definitely not shirt tears. We'd like to schedule a session.

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
He showed her the view from his window. You can see the green light at the end of Daisy's dock from here. The one he's been staring at every night. He almost mentioned it but stopped. I think he realized something in that moment and I don't know if it was beautiful or devastating. (28/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Here's the thing about the green light. When it was far away, across the bay, unreachable — it meant everything. It was the dream. The whole dream. Now Daisy is standing right here in his house, touching his shirts, and the light is just... a light at the end of a dock. (29/32)

🔁 6.3K retweets ❤️ 25.8K likes

> @PhilosophyBro replied:
> This is literally the human condition.

> @ExistentialMemes replied:
> getting what you wanted and realizing the wanting was the whole point hits different at 2am

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
I left them alone after that. Gatsby had his pianist play "Ain't We Got Fun" which is either the most perfect or most ironic song choice in human history. They were sitting together on a couch looking at each other like two people who just found something they lost and are already afraid of losing it again. (30/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Final thoughts: I just witnessed a man who reinvented his entire identity, built an empire, bought a mansion, and threw a hundred parties — all to sit in a room with a woman and have awkward tea for fifteen minutes before it got good. (31/32)

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@NickFromTheMiddleWest
Was it worth it? Five years of green light and gold ties and champagne for strangers? I don't know. Gatsby would say yes with his whole chest. Because Gatsby believed in the green light, in the future that year by year recedes before us.

And honestly? Standing there watching him glow like that, for just a moment, I almost believed in it too.

But we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. And tomorrow he'll probably ask me to arrange brunch.

End thread. I need a drink. 🥃 (32/32)

🔁 14.2K retweets ❤️ 67.8K likes

> @TomBuchananPolo replied:
> What tea party. Whose mansion. DAISY??

> @DaisyBuchanan replied:
> omg delete all of this

> @JordanBakerGolf replied:
> I told you this would be good content

> @GreenLightBot replied:
> 💚

> @EnglishTeachers replied:
> *screenshots entire thread for curriculum*

> @BookTok replied:
> THE SHIRTS SCENE IN THREAD FORM I'M DECEASED 💀📚