The Efficient Funeral

Published first novel. Held the physical copy. Smelled the pages. Dreams realized. Found typo. Page 1. The title. Spelled my own name wrong. Now legally that person.

Beta reader feedback: 'This character on page 89 seems unnecessary.' Checked page 89. Character responded in margins: 'I seem very necessary.' Asked beta reader for clarification. No response. Checked manuscript again. Page 90. New sentence I didn't write: 'The critic will not be missed.'

Index cards for plotting. 47 cards. Color-coded. Three acts. Perfect structure. Window open. Wind blew. Order lost. Spent two hours rearranging. Beta reader: 'Best plot you've ever written.' I don't remember the original order. Neither does the wind.

Writing cabin rented. Remote. Alone. Peaceful. Day 1: 5,000 words. Romance novel flowing. Day 2: scratching in walls. Probably mice. Day 3: scratching louder. Probably not mice. Day 4: submitted manuscript. Horror genre. Editor: 'This feels authentic.' Still in cabin. Send help.

Beta reader: 'The butler seems suspicious.' No butler in my book. Checked manuscript. Page 134. Butler. Serving tea. Has been there for three chapters. I didn't write him. He winked.

Author bio needed. '(Name) lives with two cats and regret.' Publisher: 'Maybe something happier?' Fine. 'Three cats.'