Hamlet's Mousetrap: The Group Chat That Broke a Kingdom

📱 WHATSAPP GROUP CHAT: "Elsinore Fam 👑🏰"

Members: Hamlet 🖤, Claudius 👑, Gertrude 💅, Ophelia 🌸, Horatio 🧠, Polonius 🧓, Rosencrantz 🤡, Guildenstern 🃏

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**Claudius 👑** created the group "Elsinore Fam 👑🏰"

**Claudius 👑** added Hamlet 🖤, Gertrude 💅, Ophelia 🌸, Horatio 🧠, Polonius 🧓, Rosencrantz 🤡, Guildenstern 🃏

**Claudius 👑:** Hey everyone! 🎉 Just a reminder that tonight's entertainment will be a lovely play organized by our dear nephew/son Hamlet! Dress code: royal casual. Starts at 8pm in the Great Hall. See you there! 🎭❤️

**Gertrude 💅:** Wonderful darling! So proud of Hamlet for finally showing interest in something other than wearing black and staring at walls 🥰

**Hamlet 🖤:** Thanks mom. Really appreciate the support. 🙃

**Hamlet 🖤:** *stepmom

**Gertrude 💅:** Hamlet.

**Hamlet 🖤:** What. You married my uncle two months after dad's funeral. I'm just being accurate.

**Polonius 🧓:** Let us all look forward to a wonderful evening of arts and culture! I myself was quite the thespian in my university days. Did I ever tell you about the time I played Julius Caesar?

**Hamlet 🖤:** Yeah you got killed in the Capitol. Brutal. 💀

**Polonius 🧓:** It was a very acclaimed performance!

**Hamlet 🖤:** I'm sure it was. Bravo. 👏

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💬 PRIVATE CHAT: Hamlet 🖤 → Horatio 🧠

**Hamlet 🖤:** bro

**Hamlet 🖤:** tonight's the night

**Horatio 🧠:** You sure about this plan?

**Hamlet 🖤:** 100%

**Hamlet 🖤:** I rewrote parts of the play so it basically shows exactly how my dad was murdered

**Hamlet 🖤:** poison in the ear while sleeping in the garden

**Hamlet 🖤:** then the murderer marries the queen

**Horatio 🧠:** That's... not subtle at all

**Hamlet 🖤:** it's called ART, Horatio

**Hamlet 🖤:** I need you to watch Claudius's face the ENTIRE time. Don't blink. Don't check your phone. WATCH HIM.

**Horatio 🧠:** What am I looking for exactly?

**Hamlet 🖤:** guilt

**Hamlet 🖤:** panic

**Hamlet 🖤:** maybe sweating

**Hamlet 🖤:** basically any reaction that screams "I DEFINITELY MURDERED MY BROTHER"

**Horatio 🧠:** And if he doesn't react?

**Hamlet 🖤:** then I guess the ghost of my dead father was lying and I've been having a mental breakdown for nothing 🤷

**Horatio 🧠:** Cool cool cool cool cool. Normal Tuesday.

**Hamlet 🖤:** the play is called "The Mousetrap" btw 🐭🪤

**Horatio 🧠:** Why

**Hamlet 🖤:** because we're catching a RAT 🐀👑

**Horatio 🧠:** I'm going to pretend that wasn't incredibly corny

**Hamlet 🖤:** just watch his face bro. That's all I need.

**Horatio 🧠:** I got you. Always.

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💬 PRIVATE CHAT: Rosencrantz 🤡 → Guildenstern 🃏

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** dude did hamlet seem weird to you today

**Guildenstern 🃏:** hamlet seems weird every day

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** yeah but like EXTRA weird

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** he was practically skipping around the Great Hall humming to himself

**Guildenstern 🃏:** maybe he's actually happy for once?

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** that's what worries me

**Guildenstern 🃏:** should we tell the king?

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** tell him what? "Your nephew is suspiciously cheerful"?

**Guildenstern 🃏:** fair point

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** let's just go to the play and keep our mouths shut

**Guildenstern 🃏:** that's literally always our best strategy

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📱 GROUP CHAT: "Elsinore Fam 👑🏰"

⏰ 7:45 PM

**Hamlet 🖤:** Everyone almost here? Show starts in 15! 🎭

**Ophelia 🌸:** I'm here! Got a great seat 😊

**Hamlet 🖤:** Ophelia! Come sit by me 😏

**Ophelia 🌸:** Um ok?

**Polonius 🧓:** Ophelia, remember what we discussed.

**Ophelia 🌸:** Dad please don't do this in the group chat 😩

**Hamlet 🖤:** Don't worry Ophelia, I'll be on my best behavior

**Hamlet 🖤:** Or my worst. Depends on the scene 😈

**Gertrude 💅:** Hamlet come sit with me!

**Hamlet 🖤:** No thanks mom I'd rather sit with someone who hasn't made questionable life decisions in the last 3 months

**Claudius 👑:** 😐

**Gertrude 💅:** 😐

**Polonius 🧓:** 😬

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⏰ 8:02 PM - Play begins

**Hamlet 🖤:** 🎭 SHOWTIME 🎭

**Hamlet 🖤:** This first part is a dumb show - no words just acting. Watch closely everyone!!

**Ophelia 🌸:** What's happening? A king and queen are being very affectionate?

**Hamlet 🖤:** Yeah they're super in love. Cute right? 🥰

**Ophelia 🌸:** Oh wait now the king is lying down in a garden...

**Hamlet 🖤:** He's taking a nap. Classic king stuff.

**Ophelia 🌸:** And someone is pouring something in his ear??? 😨

**Hamlet 🖤:** Interesting plot twist wouldn't you say?? 🤔

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💬 PRIVATE CHAT: Hamlet 🖤 → Horatio 🧠

**Hamlet 🖤:** STATUS REPORT. WHAT'S HIS FACE DOING

**Horatio 🧠:** He shifted in his seat during the poison scene

**Hamlet 🖤:** SHIFTED? LIKE UNCOMFORTABLE SHIFTED?

**Horatio 🧠:** Could also be the chair. Those things are hard.

**Hamlet 🖤:** IT'S NOT THE CHAIR HORATIO

**Horatio 🧠:** Just reporting what I see. Keeping watch.

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📱 GROUP CHAT: "Elsinore Fam 👑🏰"

**Claudius 👑:** Interesting choice of play, Hamlet. What's it called?

**Hamlet 🖤:** "The Mousetrap" 🐭

**Claudius 👑:** And the plot is...?

**Hamlet 🖤:** Oh you know. A king gets murdered by his nephew in Vienna. The nephew pours poison in the king's ear while he sleeps. Then the nephew seduces the queen and takes the throne. Standard European drama. 🇦🇹

**Hamlet 🖤:** Totally fictional though

**Hamlet 🖤:** Obviously

**Hamlet 🖤:** Why do you ask? 🙂

**Claudius 👑:** No reason.

**Gertrude 💅:** The actress playing the queen is a bit over the top with her promises. "I'll never remarry! I'll be loyal forever!" A bit much, no?

**Hamlet 🖤:** Idk mom. Do YOU think it's too much? Do those promises mean something to you? 🤔🤔🤔

**Gertrude 💅:** The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

**Hamlet 🖤:** WOW WHAT A LINE. Someone write that down. 📝

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**Ophelia 🌸:** Hamlet you're being really weird tonight

**Hamlet 🖤:** Am I? Or is the play just making everyone UNCOMFORTABLE because it hits a little too close to HOME? 🏠🔥

**Ophelia 🌸:** I think you're just being weird

**Hamlet 🖤:** Fair

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⏰ 8:28 PM - THE KEY SCENE

**Hamlet 🖤:** OK EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION

**Hamlet 🖤:** This is the part where Lucianus - the king's nephew - approaches the sleeping king

**Hamlet 🖤:** He's got a vial of poison...

**Hamlet 🖤:** He's leaning in...

**Hamlet 🖤:** 🎭 "Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing" 🎭

**Hamlet 🖤:** AND HE POURS THE POISON IN THE KING'S EAR!!! 👂☠️💀

**Hamlet 🖤:** JUST LIKE SOMEONE WE KNOW MIGHT HAVE DONE, RIGHT @Claudius 👑 ???

**Hamlet 🖤:** @Claudius 👑 you good bro? You look a little pale 😏

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**Claudius 👑:** 🔦

**Claudius 👑:** GIVE ME SOME LIGHT

**Claudius 👑:** LIGHTS

**Claudius 👑:** TURN ON THE LIGHTS

*Claudius 👑 has left the group*

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**Polonius 🧓:** The king is unwell! Stop the play! Everyone stop!

**Gertrude 💅:** What just happened??

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** uhhhhh

**Guildenstern 🃏:** that was intense

**Ophelia 🌸:** Is the king okay?? He literally ran out screaming??

**Hamlet 🖤:** Interesting reaction to a FICTIONAL PLAY, don't you think? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

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💬 PRIVATE CHAT: Hamlet 🖤 → Horatio 🧠

**Hamlet 🖤:** DID YOU SEE THAT

**Hamlet 🖤:** DID

**Hamlet 🖤:** YOU

**Hamlet 🖤:** SEE

**Hamlet 🖤:** THAT

**Horatio 🧠:** I saw it.

**Hamlet 🖤:** HE RAN. HE LITERALLY RAN OUT OF THE ROOM.

**Hamlet 🖤:** SCREAMING FOR LIGHTS.

**Hamlet 🖤:** DURING THE EXACT SCENE WHERE THE KING GETS POISONED THROUGH HIS EAR.

**Hamlet 🖤:** WHICH IS EXACTLY HOW THE GHOST SAID IT HAPPENED.

**Horatio 🧠:** Yeah. That was... not the reaction of an innocent man.

**Hamlet 🖤:** HORATIO

**Hamlet 🖤:** I WOULD BET A THOUSAND POUNDS ON THE GHOST'S WORD

**Hamlet 🖤:** THE MOUSETRAP WORKED 🐭🪤✅

**Hamlet 🖤:** WE CAUGHT THE RAT 🐀👑

**Horatio 🧠:** So what now?

**Hamlet 🖤:** ...

**Hamlet 🖤:** honestly I didn't plan this far ahead

**Horatio 🧠:** You orchestrated an elaborate theatrical sting operation to confirm your uncle murdered your father and you didn't think about WHAT COMES NEXT?

**Hamlet 🖤:** Look the play thing took a lot of creative energy ok

**Hamlet 🖤:** I had to rewrite dialogue and direct actors and do a whole dramatic commentary

**Hamlet 🖤:** I'm EXHAUSTED

**Horatio 🧠:** Hamlet. Your uncle, the KING, just realized you KNOW he's a murderer.

**Horatio 🧠:** You are in danger.

**Hamlet 🖤:** right

**Hamlet 🖤:** yeah that's

**Hamlet 🖤:** that's a good point actually

**Horatio 🧠:** 🤦

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📱 GROUP CHAT: "Elsinore Fam 👑🏰"

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** Hey Hamlet, the king is really upset. Maybe you should go talk to him?

**Guildenstern 🃏:** Yeah the queen wants to see you too

**Hamlet 🖤:** Tell me something. Do you guys actually care about me or did Claudius send you to spy on me?

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** What?? We're your friends!

**Guildenstern 🃏:** Yeah totally just friends checking in!

**Hamlet 🖤:** You know what you remind me of? A recorder. 🎵

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** A what?

**Hamlet 🖤:** A recorder. Simple instrument. Anyone can play it. You just cover the holes and blow, and it makes whatever sound the player wants.

**Hamlet 🖤:** Claudius is playing you like recorders.

**Hamlet 🖤:** You think you can play ME? Figure out my stops? Pluck out the heart of my mystery?

**Hamlet 🖤:** You can't even play a recorder and you think you can play ME? 🎵🚫

**Guildenstern 🃏:** That was weirdly specific

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** And kind of hurtful tbh

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**Polonius 🧓:** Hamlet, your mother would like to speak with you in her chambers. Immediately.

**Hamlet 🖤:** My mother. Right. 🙄

**Hamlet 🖤:** I'll go. But I'll be honest with her. I'll speak daggers but use none.

**Polonius 🧓:** Please be gentle with her, she's very distressed.

**Hamlet 🖤:** Whose fault is that 🤔

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💬 PRIVATE CHAT: Hamlet 🖤 → Horatio 🧠

**Hamlet 🖤:** Mom wants to see me. This is gonna be fun.

**Horatio 🧠:** Please don't do anything rash.

**Hamlet 🖤:** Me? Rash? When have I EVER been rash?

**Horatio 🧠:** Do you want the list chronologically or alphabetically?

**Hamlet 🖤:** 😤

**Hamlet 🖤:** Fine. I'll be careful.

**Hamlet 🖤:** But the ghost was right, Horatio. My father was murdered. By his own brother. And my mother married the murderer.

**Horatio 🧠:** I know. And I'm sorry.

**Hamlet 🖤:** "The play's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king." And we DID. We absolutely did. 🎭

**Horatio 🧠:** Just... be safe tonight. The walls have ears in Elsinore.

**Hamlet 🖤:** Ironic choice of words considering how my dad died 👂☠️

**Horatio 🧠:** Oh god I didn't mean—

**Hamlet 🖤:** Too soon? It's been like 4 months

**Horatio 🧠:** DEFINITELY too soon

**Hamlet 🖤:** lol

**Hamlet 🖤:** ok heading to mom's room. If I don't text back in an hour send help

**Horatio 🧠:** Please tell me you're joking

**Hamlet 🖤:** 50/50 🙃

*Hamlet 🖤 is typing...*

*Hamlet 🖤 went offline*

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💬 PRIVATE CHAT: Claudius 👑 → Polonius 🧓

**Claudius 👑:** He knows.

**Polonius 🧓:** My lord?

**Claudius 👑:** That play. That wasn't about Vienna. That was about ME.

**Polonius 🧓:** Surely it was just a coincidence—

**Claudius 👑:** A king murdered by poison in his EAR, Polonius. In his EAR. While sleeping in a GARDEN.

**Claudius 👑:** And then the murderer marries the queen.

**Claudius 👑:** And Hamlet was NARRATING it. Looking right at me. SMILING.

**Polonius 🧓:** ...Oh.

**Claudius 👑:** Yes. "Oh."

**Claudius 👑:** I need to deal with this. He's dangerous.

**Polonius 🧓:** Let me hide behind the curtain in the queen's chambers when she talks to him. I'll report everything back to you.

**Claudius 👑:** Fine. Do that.

**Polonius 🧓:** I'll be perfectly hidden. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

**Claudius 👑:** Good. Go now.

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📱 GROUP CHAT: "Elsinore Fam 👑🏰"

⏰ 9:15 PM

**Ophelia 🌸:** Is anyone going to explain what just happened tonight or are we all just pretending the king didn't sprint out of his own theater screaming for lights??

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** I think we're pretending

**Guildenstern 🃏:** Definitely pretending

**Ophelia 🌸:** Cool. Cool cool cool. Everything is FINE at Elsinore. 🏰🔥🔥🔥

**Ophelia 🌸:** This is fine. 🐕☕🔥

**Horatio 🧠:** For what it's worth, I don't think anything is fine.

**Ophelia 🌸:** THANK YOU Horatio. At least ONE person here is honest.

**Ophelia 🌸:** My boyfriend is acting insane, my dad is hiding behind curtains, the king ran away from a play, and the queen is "distressed"

**Ophelia 🌸:** I should have gone to a convent like Hamlet suggested honestly

**Horatio 🧠:** He said that?

**Ophelia 🌸:** "Get thee to a nunnery" was the exact quote

**Horatio 🧠:** Yikes.

**Ophelia 🌸:** YIKES INDEED

**Ophelia 🌸:** Anyway goodnight everyone. I'm going to go arrange some flowers and try not to think about how this royal family is a complete dumpster fire 🌸🔥

**Rosencrantz 🤡:** Goodnight Ophelia!

**Guildenstern 🃏:** Night! 👋

**Horatio 🧠:** Stay safe, everyone. I have a feeling tonight is going to be... eventful.

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🔔 NOTIFICATION:
📰 Elsinore Castle News Alert
"King Claudius cancels all theatrical performances indefinitely. No official statement given. Prince Hamlet unavailable for comment."

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*Read by everyone at 9:22 PM* ✓✓

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[END OF CHAT LOG]

*Narrator's note: Things at Elsinore were about to get significantly worse. Polonius should not have hidden behind that curtain. But that's a group chat for another day.* 💀🎭