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A plot twist walked into a bar and sat next to a red herring. 'Nobody ever sees me coming,' the plot twist complained. The red herring sighed, 'At least you matter in the end. I spend three hundred pages being suspicious, and for what? So readers can feel clever when they realize I was irrelevant all along.' The bartender, a deus ex machina, suddenly appeared. 'You think that's bad? I only show up when the author writes themselves into a corner. Last week I was a convenient twin brother. The week before, a sudden inheritance. I have no dignity left.' The plot twist ordered another drink. 'Well, at least we're not the epilogue—existing just to answer questions nobody asked.'

A protagonist walked into a performance review with her author. 'Let's discuss your arc this year,' the author began. 'You've grown tremendously.' The protagonist sighed. 'Yes, but at what cost? You killed my mentor, destroyed my hometown, and gave me a tragic backstory involving wolves.' The author nodded sympathetically. 'Character development is tough.' 'And the love interest you assigned me?' she continued. 'He speaks entirely in brooding one-liners.' The author made a note. 'I'll give him a redemption arc in the sequel.' 'Great,' the protagonist muttered. 'More trauma for everyone.'