The Self-Editing Narrator

Manuscript retreat. 10 writers. Beautiful cabin. Host announces: "We'll do a murder mystery game!" Day 1: Clues hidden. Everyone suspects everyone. Day 2: Accusations fly. Drama. Day 3: Actual murder. Of my chapter 12. Someone rewrote it entirely. Police refused to investigate. "Creative differences aren't criminal, sir." The murderer submitted my book under their name. Won an award.

Beta reader: "Love the plot twist on page 156." I stopped at page 120. Checked page 156. There's a plot twist. Brilliant one. I didn't write it. Asked my wife. She didn't touch my laptop. Asked my cat. The cat has no opinion. Page 157: "You're welcome. — Management"

6 AM. Coffee. 7 AM. Writing. One paragraph. 8 AM. Coffee. Stare at paragraph. 9 AM. Research fonts. 10 AM. Coffee. Different mug might help. 11 AM. Perfect mug found. 12 PM. Lunch. Deserved. 1 PM. Nap. Creative recovery. 5 PM. One sentence added. 6 PM. Deleted paragraph. Productive day.

Coffee shop writing. Laptop on table. Bathroom break. Laptop gone. Filed report. Mourned manuscript. Three days later. Laptop returned. Post-it note attached. 'Chapter 4 drags. Cut the dream sequence. Protagonist is unlikeable. Also, your password is too obvious.'

Workshop advice: kill your darlings. Killed my darling. Favorite paragraph. Gone. Darling came back. Chapter 7. Brought friends. Now they're plotting against the protagonist. I didn't write this scene.

Editor's note on chapter 7: 'This section drags.' Chapter 7 is the grandmother's funeral. 'Could the mourning be faster?' Rewrote. Grandmother buried in two paragraphs. New note: 'Now add more emotion.' She's already underground, Margaret.