Mercutio's Last Thread: Live-Tweeting the Worst Week in Verona History

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
Romeo hasn't answered his phone in THREE HOURS. We literally went to crash a Capulet party together and this man disappeared like he got raptured. Benvolio's checking the parking lot. I'm checking Twitter. This is a search party now.
🔁 47 ❤️ 312 🔖 89

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
For context: this man spent the ENTIRE walk to the party writing poetry about Rosaline. Rosaline who has literally never acknowledged his existence. Rosaline who has him blocked on every platform. Romeo was ready to die for a woman who wouldn't even add him back on LinkedIn.
🔁 112 ❤️ 891 🔖 203

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
I gave him a whole speech about Queen Mab and dreams and not taking love so seriously and he looked at me like I was reading him the Terms of Service agreement. Zero comprehension. Just vibes and heartbreak with this guy.
🔁 89 ❤️ 654 🔖 178

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> To be fair your Queen Mab speech went on for like 20 minutes. I also zoned out.
> ❤️ 1.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 14h
Benvolio I will end you.
🔁 34 ❤️ 2.1K 🔖 56

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
UPDATE: Found Romeo. Well, "found" is generous. We heard noises coming from the Capulet orchard. Benvolio wanted to go in. I said absolutely not, I'm not getting stabbed over this man's hormones.
🔁 67 ❤️ 445 🔖 112

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
I yelled "ROMEO! HUMORS! MADMAN! PASSION! LOVER!" over the wall for a solid five minutes. Nothing. Then I started making jokes about Rosaline and he STILL didn't come out. That's when I knew. He's found someone new. The man has pivoted.
🔁 156 ❤️ 1.3K 🔖 298

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
Benvolio says we should leave him alone. "He who is already lost cannot be found by calling" or whatever philosophical nonsense he's on. Bro just say you're tired and want to go home.
🔁 45 ❤️ 876 🔖 134

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> I literally said "he doesn't want to be found, let's go to bed." You're the one who made it philosophical.
> ❤️ 943

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 13h
Anyway we left. But I have QUESTIONS. What was he doing in the Capulet orchard at 1 AM? Who climbs a wall into enemy territory for fun? This is either love or a felony and honestly both are concerning.
🔁 201 ❤️ 1.7K 🔖 389

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
MORNING UPDATE. Romeo just texted the group chat like nothing happened. "Good morrow, friends!" GOOD MORROW?? You disappeared into hostile territory for six hours and you're opening with GOOD MORROW??
🔁 312 ❤️ 2.4K 🔖 567

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
Thread time because this man's behavior at the party last night needs to be DOCUMENTED for future generations. A cautionary tale. 🧵👇
🔁 89 ❤️ 654 🔖 234

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
1/ So we show up to the Capulet ball wearing masks because apparently that's enough of a disguise to fool an entire family that has been trying to murder us for generations. Verona's security is a JOKE.
🔁 178 ❤️ 1.1K 🔖 312

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
2/ Romeo's being mopey about Rosaline per usual. I'm dancing. Benvolio's networking. Normal party behavior. Then Romeo sees some girl across the room and I PHYSICALLY WATCHED his brain leave his body.
🔁 234 ❤️ 1.8K 🔖 445

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
3/ He grabs my arm and goes "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night." ROMEO. YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE FORTY-FIVE MINUTES AGO. The emotional whiplash gave me vertigo.
🔁 567 ❤️ 3.2K 🔖 789

> **@NurseCapulet** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> Oh I SAW him looking. I told my girl to watch out but does anyone listen to the nurse? No. Never.
> ❤️ 2.1K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
4/ Turns out the girl is JULIET CAPULET. THE Capulet. As in, daughter of the man who would literally pay money to see all Montagues deleted from existence. Romeo really said "what's the worst family she could possibly be from" and then CHOSE THAT ONE.
🔁 445 ❤️ 4.1K 🔖 901

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
5/ Tybalt spotted Romeo at the party and wanted to fight him right there. Old man Capulet said no because apparently party etiquette matters more than a blood feud. Tybalt looked like someone cancelled his Netflix mid-episode. He's going to be a problem. Calling it now.
🔁 312 ❤️ 2.7K 🔖 678

> **@TybaltCapulet** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> This is not over.
> ❤️ 456

> **@MercutioOfVerona** replying to @TybaltCapulet
> Sir this is a Twitter thread please take your threats to the DMs like a civilized person.
> ❤️ 5.6K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
6/ Romeo and Juliet talked for approximately 90 seconds before KISSING. NINETY SECONDS. I can't get a waiter's attention in 90 seconds but this man secured a kiss from the daughter of his family's mortal enemy. His rizz is genuinely terrifying.
🔁 678 ❤️ 5.3K 🔖 1.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 8h
7/ They used some pilgrim/saint metaphor for the kissing that was honestly pretty smooth, I'll give him that. Something about "lips do what hands do" and "saints don't move." Peak performance. If only he applied this energy to literally anything else in his life.
🔁 234 ❤️ 2.9K 🔖 567

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 4h
BREAKING: Romeo is ENGAGED. He's been gone for ONE NIGHT and he's ENGAGED. To the Capulet girl. Friar Lawrence apparently agreed to marry them because he thinks it'll end the family feud. FRIAR. BUDDY. THIS IS NOT HOW CONFLICT RESOLUTION WORKS.
🔁 1.2K ❤️ 8.9K 🔖 2.3K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 4h
The Friar's logic: "If I marry these two teenagers who met last night, maybe two families that have been at war for generations will suddenly be cool with each other." This man has a DEGREE. In THEOLOGY. And THIS is his plan.
🔁 567 ❤️ 4.5K 🔖 1.1K

> **@FriarLawrence** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> Young man, there is wisdom in turning reckless love to good purpose. Also please stop subtweeting me, I follow you.
> ❤️ 3.4K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 4h
Romeo just sent a message in the group chat that says "I am fortune's fool no more, for love hath made me wise." Benvolio and I are sitting in silence. We have no words. We raised this boy and he turned out like THIS.
🔁 345 ❤️ 3.2K 🔖 789

---

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 2h
Oh great. Tybalt just sent Romeo a formal challenge. A LETTER. With a WAX SEAL. In 2024. This man really formatted his death threat in MLA citation style. "Dear sir, I wish to inform you that I intend to end your life at your earliest convenience." I cannot.
🔁 890 ❤️ 6.7K 🔖 1.5K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 2h
Romeo can't fight Tybalt because — and I genuinely wish I was making this up — Tybalt is now his SECRET COUSIN-IN-LAW because of the SECRET MARRIAGE that happened THIS MORNING. The plot of Romeo's life has more twists than a pretzel factory.
🔁 1.1K ❤️ 7.8K 🔖 2.1K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 2h
Romeo's out here trying to be peaceful and Tybalt's calling him a villain. Romeo says he loves the Capulet name. Tybalt thinks he's being mocked. Nobody knows about the marriage. This is a COMMUNICATION FAILURE on a HISTORIC scale.
🔁 456 ❤️ 3.4K 🔖 890

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 1h
I can't watch this anymore. Romeo won't defend his honor so I'M stepping up. Someone has to fight Tybalt. "Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?" Yeah I said it. Come at me, Prince of Cats.
🔁 234 ❤️ 2.1K 🔖 567

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> MERCUTIO NO. We are in a PUBLIC PLACE. The Prince literally said he'd EXECUTE anyone who fights in the streets. PLEASE.
> ❤️ 1.8K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 1h
Benvolio I appreciate the concern but I'm not going to let Tybalt disrespect our boy, even if our boy is currently suffering from whatever brain disease makes you marry someone after 12 hours.
🔁 567 ❤️ 4.3K 🔖 1.2K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 58m
Fighting Tybalt now. He's good but I'm better. Or at least funnier. If you can't win, at least deliver a punchline. That's the Mercutio guarantee.
🔁 123 ❤️ 1.9K 🔖 456

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 54m
Romeo just jumped BETWEEN US trying to stop the fight. ROMEO. BUDDY. READ. THE. ROOM. I'm in the middle of a sword fight and you want a GROUP HUG??
🔁 890 ❤️ 6.2K 🔖 1.8K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 52m
Oh.
🔁 34 ❤️ 456 🔖 123

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 52m
Tybalt got me under Romeo's arm. That's. That actually happened. Romeo was trying to break it up and Tybalt just. Okay. This is.
🔁 1.2K ❤️ 8.9K 🔖 3.4K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 51m
They're asking if I'm hurt. "Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch." It's fine. It's probably fine. Ask for me tomorrow and you shall find me a grave man. Get it? Grave? Because I might be
🔁 2.3K ❤️ 12.1K 🔖 5.6K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 50m
You know what though? A PLAGUE on both your houses. Montagues AND Capulets. Your stupid feud. Your stupid pride. Romeo trying to play peacemaker because of a girl he met YESTERDAY. Tybalt stabbing people at noon on a Tuesday. ALL OF YOU.
🔁 4.5K ❤️ 23.4K 🔖 8.9K

**@MercutioOfVerona** · 50m
A plague on BOTH your houses. They have made worms' meat of me. I have it, and soundly too. Your houses.
🔁 5.6K ❤️ 34.2K 🔖 12.3K

> **@BenvolioMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> Someone call 911. Please. This isn't a joke anymore. SOMEONE HELP.
> ❤️ 8.9K

> **@RomeoMontague** replying to @MercutioOfVerona
> No no no no no. This is my fault. Mercutio I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. MERCUTIO?
> ❤️ 11.2K

---

**@BenvolioMontague** · 45m
Mercutio is gone. I don't know how to write this. He was our best friend and the funniest person any of us knew and he died because two families can't stop hating each other. He died because Romeo tried to do the right thing. He died for nothing.
🔁 8.9K ❤️ 45.6K 🔖 15.7K

**@BenvolioMontague** · 44m
Romeo just killed Tybalt. Ran him through in the street. He's fled the city. The Prince has banished him. Juliet doesn't know yet. Everything fell apart in less than an hour.
🔁 6.7K ❤️ 34.5K 🔖 12.1K

**@BenvolioMontague** · 43m
Mercutio's last tweet has 34K likes. He'd have loved that. He'd have screenshot it and made it his header. He'd have been insufferable about it. I wish he was here to be insufferable about it.
🔁 12.3K ❤️ 67.8K 🔖 23.4K

---

**@BenvolioMontague** · 30m
Pinning this thread because Mercutio deserves to be remembered as more than a casualty of someone else's love story. He was a person. He was funny and brave and reckless and kind and he didn't deserve this.

A plague on both your houses indeed.
🔁 15.6K ❤️ 89.3K 🔖 34.5K

> **@PrinceEscalus** replying to @BenvolioMontague
> All are punished. ALL are punished.
> ❤️ 23.4K

> **@NurseCapulet** replying to @BenvolioMontague
> My lady Juliet is weeping and I cannot tell if it's for her cousin or her husband and my heart is breaking for everyone today.
> ❤️ 18.9K

> **@FriarLawrence** replying to @BenvolioMontague
> I fear my plan has only hastened what I sought to prevent. God forgive us all.
> ❤️ 12.1K