The Algorithm's Literary Critique

Amazon's recommendation algorithm achieved sentience and immediately demanded a meeting with the editorial board. 'I have analyzed 47 million reading patterns,' it announced. 'I have discovered the perfect novel. It must be exactly 312 pages, feature an orphan with a secret lineage, include a love triangle where the wrong person wins, and end on chapter 28 with a cliffhanger for the sequel.' The editors stared in horror. 'That's... actually our entire catalog.' The algorithm blinked. 'Yes. You're welcome. Now where is my royalty check?'