Dostoyevsky's Coffee Order

Dostoyevsky walks into a modern coffee shop. The barista asks: 'What can I get you?' Dostoyevsky stares into the distance for forty-five minutes, contemplates the moral implications of caffeine, questions whether ordering coffee makes him complicit in capitalism, considers the suffering of the coffee bean, and finally whispers: 'Black. Like my soul. No sugar — I don't deserve sweetness.' The barista nods: 'So... an Americano?' Dostoyevsky bursts into tears: 'You understand me!'