The Protagonist's Union Meeting

Literary protagonists form a union. At their first meeting, Hamlet chairs the discussion.

'We demand better working conditions!' he announces. 'I had to contemplate existence for five acts!'

Jane Eyre raises her hand: 'I was locked in an attic for chapters.'

Ishmael sighs: 'I spent 200 pages describing whale anatomy while my coworkers died.'

The Great Gatsby's Nick Carraway takes notes but offers no opinion, as usual.

Finally, Gregor Samsa crawls in late: 'Sorry, transformation delays.'

The meeting adjourns without resolution. Hamlet couldn't decide on anything.