The Ambitious Semicolon

Copyeditor's report, Monday: 'Found 14 misplaced semicolons. Corrected.'

Tuesday: 'Semicolons back. All 14. In different locations. Corrected again.'

Wednesday: 'Semicolons multiplied to 31. Three replaced periods. One absorbed a comma. Escalating to senior editor.'

Thursday: 'Em-dashes have joined the semicolons. They barricaded chapter 9. Cannot access pages 142–160. Requesting backup.'

Friday: 'Manuscript now entirely semicolons. 78,000 of them. Author called. Said he likes it better this way. Quote: "Finally, someone understands my vision."'